Complicated

I’m brand new, I think
Or maybe brand old
It doesn’t really matter
Because either has me
Taking an always longer leap
Before I boil over
Because I’m arrogant as always

Disgusting, I’m in a complicated relationship
With, and only with myself
I’m the center of the world
That creates a dizzy vision and escape
Always
Always
Always
Behind the setting sun

Sink into My Soul

Sink into my soul, and let us be one.
Heart and breath, clamoring, pushing
To the same beat
And synchronizing to one mind.

Allie's Song

Love lost the fight
And created a mass pisstitude
It caused an awkward smile
A request of some kind
Your request
I wrote this poem for you
And just you, my dear
Although Life in general
Caused me to go crazy
In a story full of plot holes
Our own story
Yet I never ceased to exist
There was nowhere to go, nowhere to be
And to be afraid to open up to you
Never crossed my mind

Staring at Your Face

I think I’m staring at your face
What’s wrong with me, that’s rude
But when I look around
Everyone looks like you
They look the same, but not quite

What did you look like again?
I think I forgot, ‘cause…
It turns out no one looks like you
Everything’s been re-arranged
My place in time, what’s in my head

I think we’re alone now
Sorry, this might be kind of awkward
Locked inside someone else’s eyes
Opinions and thoughts
Just swirl around into my

Nothing, like you were never there
The sky is awful big and lonely
Why would you want to go there?
I like your weary soul
But time is running cold
Because you’re holding on too long
And I’m staring at your face

The Runaway

You make me happy inside, I can’t lie
When I doubt if the world exists
Outside of what I perceive
But I can only flee
Because that’s who I am,
A runaway (a runaway)
Leaping from problem to problem
And never resolving them
On second thought
That’s what we all are
Just runaways
Escaping life but running
Right into the center
Of unresolved questions
Belonging to a runaway (a runaway)
Unable to turn back in time
Or mean what I say
I’m just a runaway (runaway)

EUGENE

Look at the deserted mess
Head buried in the sand
Memories of someone I hate
Eugene, Eugene, Eugene
Take away the pain
Running barefoot over garbage-strewn
Forgotten lands of a lost and losing mind
Past dedicated eulogies sewn together
With threads of meaningless words
Crocodile tears
Thoughts that don’t exist
Eugene, Eugene, Eugene
My heart stays in my chest
You can’t give away part of yourself
You don’t even comprehend

A Train Ride to Manitoba

I forgot the word appreciate
On my train ride to Manitoba
A muddled transmission, a piece of paradise
Brought along the airwaves

Muses, Muses, help me choose the words
The perfect ones I should use
To tell this, our wonderful tale
Where appreciation lost its way

Let’s redefine the structured narrative
The one that tells our awkward story
Sit and listen to a beating heart;
A beating soul of choice

A surrounding sound to lift my fear
The train continues forward
Once we’re there, we can relax
We can learn to appreciate again

From here to Manitoba
Our paths cross once more
We’ll have a grand escapade
Before the day is through

Our wild dreams are coming near
The ones we fought and stole to achieve
The dreams that caused us to forget
To appreciate what it was we had

So we tell our plight
Of how we came to be
Fleeing from danger, grasping at desire
All for what we thought we wanted

To the nearing Manitoba
We direct our assailing plea
Before the day is through
We’ll be at our path’s end

Blue Sky

I like you a lot, just so you know.
(You’re a fearless falling feather
In the back of my mind)
Let’s fly to the center of the blue sky together.
(To the floating island Paradisio
The clouded fortress in Heaven)
Where’s the entrance to eternal paradise?
(Will they even let us in?
We’re so high in the sky now…)
I don’t know, but don’t doubt.
(They won’t have a choice, we’ve traveled so far
Above the flailing, failing world)
We’ll be fine.

The Blue Sky has fallen

Staple

My fingertips are bruised
And my forearms are black and blue
I strain my ears to hear your voice
Raspy yet crisp
Like the day old bread we ate
Or the time we stared at that tree
I like you more than that
Looking and vying
Running towards the back
Of someone we both
Somehow admired
But nobody is perfect
No one’s the same
A good excuse
Never did me any good
More than anything
That staple in my life
Will always be you

Underneath a Waning Moon

Underneath a waning moon
Cheap, delicate, sickly
We sat and stared
Directly at the stars
What did you want to tell me?
I hope it was something beautiful
Something that reached directly into my soul

The stars fell down
We couldn’t keep up with all the wishes
Each one made was for someone else
I made one for you
So you could see me
For who I really am

Statistic

Armed with a blunt knife, a shoe lace
Words to describe a dying affection
My life is a story full of plot holes
Because I’m pathetic that way

Gum wrappers at my feet
With no name clothes and tinker toys
Distracting the eye from worn-out trinkets
That you said meant more than they really did

Can you really have too much humility?
The words that haunt my mind, my fingertips
You’re just another statistic with that voice
Words filled with acid and piss

I’m afraid of you, I hope you don’t know
I look around, everyone seems miserable
Is this what makes life fun?
Spitting that fact in an open eye

Breaking another pencil from the pack
Staring at the crack in the ceiling
Fire spews from my fingertips
Overflowing another of my voids

Sidewalk (Spiral)

We’re all changing from who we used to be;
Growing up, and falling back down
In different directions
It’s a constant cycle
And the sidewalk isn’t big enough
For three people anymore
It’s just those two
So I slip and fall
Fall away
Spiral towards a new direction

Brand new day
Brand new way
The same old things
The same old way
I’ll screw it up
Again, I swear
I’ll screw it up

And the sidewalk watches me
Watch you two turn
Turn out of sight into nothing
Like you never existed
In my line of sight
Three people were never meant to be
Just you two and your
Lonely sidewalk keeping me away

Brand new day
Brand new way
The same old things
The same old way
I’ll screw it up
Again, I swear
I’ll screw it up
I’ll screw it up today

I believed in you
The way you said my name
Then it all came out one rainy day
We were never the same
You left with him and forgot my name
You went away, I was never the same
And so, I spiraled away

Brand new day
Brand new way
The same old things
The same old way
I’ll screw it up
Again, I swear
I’ll screw it up
I’ll screw it up today

Lonely sidewalk
I’ll screw it up today

High in a Windmill

Up on a windmill, high in the sky
Where souls float around us learning to fly.
We send off our shortened goodbyes
Sailing off into the sticky July’s
Dyed rays of another sunset
That shine down where we first met
When I used to keep my eyes looking down.
But you told me to “look up, lose the frown,”
And “to love forever, love is free.”*
So let’s turn forever, you and me*
Above the flailing, failing world
The place our story first unfurled.


(*= Lines taken from “Feel Good Inc.” by Gorillaz)

FALSE ICONS

Holding hands, never knowing
When exactly you’d let go
Watching you watch me, never knowing
If you’d take your eyes off my silhouette

Deep inside my thoughts
But never yours
And the lies kept getting
Thicker, thicker, thicker

Until all that was left
Was a false icon
I somehow started worshiping
Thinking it was you

Bare Under the Moon

And then we went swimming
Swimming bare under that moon
Starlight showering
Our every move
We watched in wonder as
Flickering fireflies encircled
Our mind’s core
And you
And I
Our bodies met
We made a promise
That day at noon
We decided to meet
Bare under the moon

Notes: I always imagined this to be a part of a larger song. I'm also not sure if this is the most updated version, but I think it is.

Gravity

Come follow me down
Past the sad dishonest world
Where the poor souls dwell
Drowsily in the dreamscape
Lazily, the bleak sunlight
Breaks through a dark distorted cloud
Come follow me down to another land
Joyous unlike the last
With lilies covering every fallow field
And the dandelion sun pressing against
A blue and milky sky
And fall, to the perfect spot
Underneath a lollygagging tree

Mud on new shoes

I made a blanket fort today
I’m going to hide in it until all my troubles go away
You hear that, world?
All my troubles
You can find me there until all my troubles go away

I can never form the words I want to say
When speaking to the people I want to speak to
I’m just a piece of green glass in a pile of emeralds
Walking through mud in new shoes

I’ll treasure it as long as I have it
Which I hope is forever
Is that what I want to say?
It’s what you need to say

Why does everything have to be a crossroads?
I refuse to look up to anyone as a model
Because the bar is too high
And I don’t want to see anyone fall

A Hazelnut World

I’m watching the world escape
Past the hindsight of something new
But you never knew
So with ten dollar haircuts and cheap manly perfume
You command your life, while it revolves around you
Me, we
An exhausted sun burning full of cotton
And candy bears that turn gooey and charcoal
With all those stares, abounding and adding
Up to a tasteless air of observance, obedience
Lacquered flair for an old retriever
Looking for something to give his heir
And now I see the boy with hazel eyes
Grasping for something that’s just not there
He says “Once books are no longer books
They just become words
And lose all meaning
Just like your prayers
And every letter that I get
Means more than anything else
Even more than you
Because it rings in my soul”
As the story goes
The turning, flaring, of the world
Finally crashes all around
Your sandaled toes

Cold and Bitter

The snow keeps on falling, even though you're no longer here

Swallowing up the autumn that you loved so much

My soul melts with each flake that sinks

While each trace of that autumn fades

Like your smile did on that day

And I almost lost my path

I Love You?

It’s an act called I love you
Was it all just an act?
Were you playing with my heart?
It’s an act called I love you, too
I don’t just like you a lot

I’ll treasure it as long as I have it
Which I hope is forever

Acid Colors

Please don’t hate me
But I can’t go on
Don’t pay attention to the lecturer
Talking about someone he doesn’t know
Just pull your eyelashes until they’re all gone
Then I’ll welcome you back
To an etched away dream
A polished away, glimmering sight
And acidic colors will surf inside our brains
Please don’t hate me

Plastic Cave

Look at that sunset, the fast food sign makes it look better
It’s not in the way

Like that time our fish killed the other one
I think she deserved it
I danced kind of weird for you once- remember?

My ears are filled to the brink
And total nonsense is that sound
Normal’s the watchword

I think I’ll take my hope crunchy
Like my peanut butter
Because nothing’s smooth, nothing should be
The bumps are what’s fun
Makes life worth living, not living in
The past
The past lives of everything that’s living
Breathing, dying or died
Living past the daily bread tied to our chests
To stomach something shiny and new
But horrible too

A mountain of caramel sticks to my feet, up and over
Can we please go somewhere new?
Over there, on a rainbow or a cloud
Find the silver lining, lining your lost and losing mind
It’s not as good as gold but wealth like that never means a thing
The chalk blue skies always meant more to me
Than a canary diamond ring, so please
Please keep cool, keep staring at my face
Lay on the pillow, we’ll sing a sweet grace

I think I love you
No, that’s a lie
But I like you a lot. Let’s lose our way together
Forever
Inside a plastic cave, a rave
Like the inside of your, my demented dying brain

Notes: For Allie, and everyone else who questions their being from time to time.

Dear Jacob

My dear Jacob, keep your chin up
Don’t let the world tear you down
Being so far away can really stress you out
Take all the deep breathes you need
Try always to bring yourself up, and away
We’re all cheering just for you
The one we all care for
The one we remember, so vividly
In our souls, where we resonate so soundly
Let’s keep up so we never fall behind
Don’t reach for someone’s back
You’re good enough to make your own path
So to cheer you up, I wrote this song for you
Just for you
Keep us in your mind
We’ll meet up with each other again someday
When our separate paths weave together
Once we’re all splendid human beings
We’ll catch up to ourselves
Where we want to be